Church of The Flying Spaghetti Monster

The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster began when Bobby Henderson wrote a letter to the Kansas School Board. They had just had a hearing to determine whether to teach Intelligent Design alongside the Theory of Evolution. He figured that students should be allowed to hear the multiple theories of Intelligent Design, including that of The Flying Spaghetti Monster. It should also be noted that it is impossible to properly teach the beliefs of Pastafarian without wearing full pirate regalia.

It goes on to explain that there are several lengthy texts explaining the beliefs of the Pastafarian. It also gives an explanation for why some data seems weird. It's because the Flying Spaghetti Monster touches with with his noodly appendages and changes it. You can't see The Flying Spaghetti Monster becuase is in invisible and therefore can pass through anything. This is why scientists have a hard time determining how old the earth is. The Flying Spaghetti Monster changes the data to make it seem older than it really is.

He explained the best way to divide up the time would be to have 1/3 time for Intelligent Design, 1/3 time for "Flying Spaghetti Monsterism (Pastafarianism)", and 1/3 time for "logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence."

The letter also explains how global warming, hurricanes, earthquakes and other natural disasters are linked to the shrinking number of pirates. As you can see the relationship is striking.

Now you may find yourself asking "Why Pirates?" It's simple really, humans evolved from pirates. We share more than 99.9% of our DNA with pirates and only about 95% with monkeys.

It has also been revealed that pirates were not the thieves and outcasts that misinformation spread during the middle ages leads us to believe. Pastafarians believe they were "peace-loving explores and spreaders of good will who distributed candy to small children." Modern pirates are in no way similar to "the fun-long buccaneers from history" because real pirates had swords and wooden boats. Modern pirates use guns and just aren't as cool.

This is why pirates are considered diving beings in Pastafarianism and it's sad that their numbers are diminishing. Luckily though with the increase in popularity of this religion more people are taking notice and realizing how simple it is to become a saint by wearing an eyepatch and simply saying "Yar."

It has also been discovered that ghost pirates are responsible for all the ships and planes lost in the bermuda triangle.

Before I go any further I would like to point out that this is indeed a real religion and it does have quite a large following that can be guesstimated into the hundreds of thousands. (It is only a guesstimate because there are no actual numbers.)

The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a completely legitimate religion. It is a religion that has been in the shadows for a long time and only recently went public when Henderson sent his letter to the Kansas School Board. Some people think that this religion is just a thought experiment or a spoof off Intelligent Design, but there are real people who believe in this. I actually have a friend who is a devout follower.

Fun fact: Pastafarianism is the most peaceful religion in the world. So far no deaths have been caused by it.

The first three things that The Flying Spaghetti Monster created were a mountain, trees, and a midget (usually spelled migit). For The Flying Spaghetti Monster loves midgets and they are short because he pushed them close to the ground with his noodly appendages.

The prevalent theory is that The Flying Spaghetti Monster created those three things in one day. He then spent three more days creating the rest of the universe (it is quite big you know) and rested for the other three. It is also said that The Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe after drinking heavily, and this is the reason the earth is flawed.

The Gospel also contains a list of "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts." The Flying Spaghetti Monster gave these to Mosey the Pirate in the form of 10 stone tablets. Unfortunately 2 of the tablets were dropped on the way back and this accounts for Pastafarians "flimsy moral standards". These Commandments, or Condiments as Mosey's pirate gang called them, addressed issues such the treatment of people of other faiths, the worship of The Flying Spaghetti Monster, sexual conduct, and nutrition.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster as creator of the universe is omnipotent, invisible. and very powerful. Nobody knows where he came from or why he is here. He chooses to become invisible to hide his appearance from onlookers, this also allows him to pass through anything he wants to.

International Talk Like a Pirate Day -September 19th

Holiday- The Month of December

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